abra KADAVER

“San Antonio-

The scene was so gruesome investigators could barely speak: A 3 1/2 week old boy lay dismembered, three of his tiny toes chewed off, his face torn away, his head severed and his brains ripped out.
‘It’s too heinous for me to describe it any further,” Police Chief William McManus told reporters Monday.
Officers called to the home early Sunday found the boy’s mother, Otty Sanchez, 33, who apparently ate the child’s brain and some other body parts before stabbing herself, McManus said.
Sanchez is charged with capital murder in the death of her son, Scott Wesley Buccholtz-Sanchez. She was being treated Monday at a hospital and was being held on $1 million bail.”

I’ve been happier lately than I have been in a long time. I don’t do really much of anything, I barely ever see anyone. Maybe that’s the key. Instead of being out and involved in everyone’s drama and bullshit, I sit here. I read. I take pictures of myself, flip off my dog and watch American Wedding. But the shitty thing is, back when I was miserable, everyone else in my life seemed so goddamn happy it made me sick. This may have been that since I was so depressed, everyone else seemed much happier than they really were in comparison to me. But then, why is it that now I’m content with life and no longer want it all to just end, everyone else I talk to seems to sad? Whenever I talk to my friends, they always talk about being sad or angry about something. I’m beginning to think that my emotions are the one thing that most influences the emotions and states of mind of those around me. This is confusing to see happen, especially since I seem to influence people that I barely ever see. But the strange coincidence [MAYBE] remains that when I’m happy, everyone else isn’t, and vice-versa; and it’s incredibly frustrating. I guess I’ll have to choose to be miserable and be surrounded by joyous people, or be content with life while being surrounded by people who can’t stop pointing out how much theirs suck. Neither seem like great fun.

Should be leaving on Tuesday. Good riddance, Shitville.

And now, kids, let’s learn!

“There is nothing that’s quite so delicious
As a quip that is perfectly vicious.
I’ve always exulted
When someone’s insulted—
Who needs sex when you can be malicious?”
—G.B. Pshaw.

Nothosonomia means calling someone a bastard.
A breedbate is someone who likes to start arguments or quarrels.
To flite [also spelled flyte] means to quarrel or brawl with words.
To geck is to toss your head with scornful pride.
A drezel, or drossel, is a filthy, vagrant slut.
A slammock is an awkward slob.
A frivolous female airhead is called a fizgig or a frippet.
Pinguid is a general terms for being fat, but lardaceous, which means abounding in lard, is much better.
A balatron is a babbling buffoon.
A dotterel is a silly, gullible person, a senile person.
A grinagog is a person with a stupid, gaping grin.
Oligophrenic means severely deficient mentally, and it has a synonym: cacophrenic.
A bellum is an idle, boring chatterer.
A fritlag is a worthless, good-for-nothing man.
Guttersnipe is a word for someone of the lowest class of society.
A harridan is a worn-out whore; also, a disreputable, violent woman.
A poltroon [pahl-TROON] is a cowardly, sneaky wretch.

And my favorite for the day,
A rantallion is a man whose scrotum is so relaxed that it hangs lower than his penis.

This is completely unrelated, but I love Dustin Pedroia and this picture made me smile. :]

I normally go to sleep around midnight to 2:00 a.m. during the summer, wake up at 10:00-ish, go back to sleep, wake up at noon-ish, sleep for awhile more, then get up. I rarely remember my REM dreams, but today I slept from 2:00 to 1:30 straight through without waking up, and I remember having a fucking cool-ass dream. Well, really, they were two separate dreams.

In the first dream, I got committed to the hospital for a third time, this time for “disrespecting Jesus”. LMFAO. Bet my “grandma” would’ve been happy about that. My evil non-Christian ways must be punished. I got flirted with by one of the nurses, which was pretty neat-o. He was hot. Makayla was there too, we sat on a bed and talked about piercings. Then, somehow I pulled my cell phone out of space and time and told my dad that I’d been imprisoned there. He was pissed, came by, threw a boulder at the second-story window and I jumped out. Ha.

In the second, I was in a grocery store parking lot loading up food, when it was discovered that my aunt had an obese, retarded twin brother who had died in the womb. Doubtless this development was influenced by that movie The Unborn, which I haven’t even seen. Haha. Anyway, he was somehow alive standing next to the van even though he was dead, and invited me to go to his adopted parents’ mansion across the country. I said well hell, why not? Upon my visit I discovered that there was a labyrinthine mortuary beneath the mansion, so of course I had to go check it out. If anyone reading this has ever played Final Fantasy XII or watched the shitty movie Unrest, it was a cross between the cold, steel hospital in Unrest and the underground, decrepit palace right outside Arcadia in FFXII. A crew of teenagers joined me, we looked so Scooby-Doo it was hilarious to think about it now. A zombie dog and a zombie started chasing us throughout the tunnels, at this point the dream became much like a Scooby-Doo chase scene, minus the music; and like a video game. I recall the zombie taking me down at many point throughout the dream, but I was reborn somewhere else in the mortuary. I distinctly recall running down and hiding in a metal cabinet, immediately after my friend Ashly came by and fucked that up by trying to hide with me, which didn’t work because the cabinet was much too small. I called her a dumbass and told her to hide in one of the thirty other cabinets adjacent to it. But on her egress, she messed up the doors to my cabinet to where I couldn’t close them, and the zombie came downstairs. He chased me and I pushed him up against a chalkboard that was in the room for reasons unknown, took a metal spike and held it up against his dog’s throat. He offered to take his own unlife if I spared the dog. I killed the dog anyway, needless to say he was upset. My Mystery Crew and I took off, to find the stairway that we had used to come down into the labyrinth. It’s hard to describe..the stairway had to be climbed, not in the sense that real stairways are climbed, but it had to be scaled like a rock wall. The footholds in the wall were cursive words inlaid in the wall, which I recall had a texture much like human skin crossed with rubber. What those words said escapes me now, but I remember they were significant to the dream. We ascended them, escaping the angry corpse, who, even though he could run, grab things and jump, could not climb for some reason. Not my problem. When we got to the top landing, I made out with some hot Asian chick, it was videotaped, and I woke up.

Fuckin’ crazy.

This post is dedicated to the person who influences me most in life. I may look up to people like Jamie Madrox, Violent J and Freidrich Nietzsche, but my real hero is my daddy. He’s the one person who’s been there when I most needed someone to save me. He’s been there for me through thick and thin, even when I was being a little shithead. He’s my real family, and he’s my best friend.

This is a tribute to my most favorite person in the world.

I love you, Daddy.

And I have

1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values
—I live the Juggalo way of life to a T. I treat others how I would want to be treated, but I take no shit. I don’t need a pointless, judgemental, out-of-date religion to know that I have morals. Instead of doing good because I’m afraid of a nonexistant afterlife & a parental god-figure, I do good because I’m a genuinely good person & I don’t need “faith” in any deity to keep me in line. I do it myself. I treat others like human beings, & with kindness & honesty unless they give me a reason not to. Unlike a religious fundamentalist, I don’t hide behind a “holy book” & use an intangible god as an excuse to be a narrow-minded, bigoted asshole who CLAIMS to love their fellow man, but then turns around & talks about them behind their back & tries to cause problems for them simply because their life is just that meaningless & pathetic.

2: an unimpaired condition
—I’m down with the Clown, & I’m down for life. I live up to what I say I am. I don’t join a stupid scene to get friends or fit in, I claim what I claim because I know what’s the right life for me. No one else does.

3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided
—Never do I doubt myself, never do I lose confidence in the fact that I’m smart, worthwhile, & a quality human being who’s going places. I keep tabs on myself. There are only two people in this world whom I answer to: my father & myself.

This is to the snitches who feel the need to spread drama based on something “bad” they think they’re seeing on my Myspace & website:

Fuck off & die. Seriously, do you have nothing better than to pretend to be my friend while being a little narc?

Get a life. You’re pathetic.

All my devotion betrayed,
I am no longer afraid.
I was too blinded to see
How much you’ve stolen from me.

You wanna know why I feel so horrified?
I let my innocence die.
You wanna know why I can’t be pacified?
You made me bury something.
I won’t be sleeping tonight.

I only wanted the blessing made,
Now I’ve been labeled a renegade.
It seems so clear now what I must do.

You’re no immortal
I won’t let them
Deify you
They view you as the new messiah.
Deify you
Renew belief in some demented man.

You wanna know why it seems the passion’s died?
We’ve all been living this lie.
You wanna know why my will’s been fortified?
You’ve made me hunger again.
Good luck sleeping tonight.

I only wanted the blessing made,
Now I’ve been labeled a renegade.
It seems so clear now what I must do.

You’re no immortal
I won’t let them
Deify you
They view you as the new messiah.
Deify you
Renew belief in some demented man.

All my devotion betrayed,
I am no longer afraid.
All my devotion betrayed,
I am no longer afraid.
I was too blinded to see
How much you’ve stolen from me.
I was too blinded to see,
All my devotion betrayed,
I am no longer afraid.
I was too blinded to see
How much you’ve stolen from me.

Deify you
They view you as the new messiah.
Deify you
Renew belief in some demented man.

Deify you
All my devotion betrayed.
They view you as the new messiah.
I am no longer afraid
Deify you
I was too blinded to see
Renew belief in some demented man.
How much you’ve stolen from me..

I’m still avoiding pretty much everyone. Haven’t seen a single person other than Pops for quite some time, except yesterday when Grandpa and Justin came over for the Fourth, they ate a shit ton of food . Surprise surprise. Lately I just haven’t been able to bring myself to spend time with the few friends I have left. It’s not out of not wanting to see them, it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t feel like entertaining. I don’t feel like being fun or exciting. I wanna sit on my couch and veg out 24/7. Everyone wants me to be the funny Nifty I’ve been for so long, and honestly, I say fuck everyone. It’s not my job to be a barrel of fucking fun. I’m not the cheerful Nifty anymore. I’m the Nifty who wants to sleep all day, ignore my phone and yell at my TV. I don’t talk to all my old “friends”, they wanna have actual conversations and expect me to care about their summer drama. I talk to those many acquaintances I have on the internet about shit that’s of no consequence. I don’t wanna talk about how girls get insanely jealous when I hang out with the guy they’re not even with because they’re insecure and jealous, so they don’t want him to even speak to someone with a vagina. Fuck. I don’t want your NON-boyfriend’s nuts! I don’t want anyone’s nuts! I wanna sit around and bullshit with people if I bother to leave my house at all! Stop thinking the entire world is out to suck his dick. It’s pointless, and, as I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s PATHETIC.

MLTOS:
First thing, I could never love you. I’m done with love, bitch, but I’ll fuck you.

Leaving for Boston in approximately two weeks. I couldn’t be more excited. I haven’t been back in Shitville for very long and it’s already driving me sane. There’s no point in being here so I can sit around dreading every text or call I get from someone I have no desire to see. [A.K.A. everyone]

Fuck.

Where Have You Been

Vincent’s been texting and calling me several times a day, last night he left like twenty texts and three voicemails. Christ. If someone never replies to your messages and makes no effort to return them, maybe that’s a sign that they don’t wanna talk to you. Just a feeling.

I’ve heard it all before. “Oh, I love you so much, if you just give me one more chance I’ll show you that I’ve changed and you’re the only girl I want. I’m done putting whores before you, I don’t just want you back for sex. I miss you so much, please! I’ve changed.”

Puh-lease. That worked the first three fucking times. Do you really think I’m stupid? What the fuck makes you think I should believe ANYTHING you say?