abra KADAVER

I never know whether I should make everyone I care about happy, at the cost of making myself miserable, or only take care of myself at the cost of pissing off those I care for.

I can’t be the perfect, air headed girlfriend who doesn’t have a problem in the world.  The one who doesn’t care what her boyfriend does as long as he says she’s pretty and pretends to give a damn. I can pretend to be her, surely. But I’d end up killing something from the stress. There are so many things I’d love to say, and I can’t. It’s rather funny that the things you’d love to say most in the world are the ones that people would prefer you always keep to yourself. Someday, I want to be in a relationship where I don’t have to concern myself with psychotic, jealous exes. Oh…wait. That’s impossible. Women are fucking insane.

(Insert obscure, meaningless phrase intended to make me look deep here)

I need a new job. This two hour shift bullshit is wearing on me. I see no reason to show up to work unless I’m working at least four hours. It’s not worth the gas money it takes to get out there. -__-

Speaking of new things, I need a new family. I need new friends. I need a new city to live in. I need a new life.

I’ve been fading into my usual summer state – an antisocial, apathetic hermit. I really have no desire to see anyone. I have no desire to do anything but work and play video games. I don’t have the energy to pretend that I care what people have to say to me.  No, I don’t want to go to the mall with you. No, I don’t want to go to the movie theatre. I don’t want to listen to your shitty music, I don’t want to talk about your problems – I have my own.

Okay, now I’m just ranting.

I feel like I should feel bad for not wanting to hang out with people anymore. Forgive me, but sitting around on your couch, listening to you talk about your life and how everyone is keeping you down doesn’t sound so great to me. I don’t want to be around your kid. I don’t want to pretend to listen to your life story. I want to play Final Fantasy until school starts up again – at least that has a purpose.

There are three, maybe four people I have any desire to see anymore. Everyone else just doesn’t seem worth the effort of going to see. I’m too moody and too antisocial to pretend to want to see anyone anymore.

“Open up my eager eyes, ’cause I’m Mr.Brightside.”

I find it rather funny that conservatives garner a great amount of their votes simply by saying that only Republicans love God and Democrats don’t (Uhm, I’m sorry? I didn’t know that you went into the mind of every liberal politician and found out what he believes). This, sadly, leads closed-minded, thoughtless voters to say “Ooooh! He likes Jesus! I like Jesus too! I don’t know anything about his platform or political beliefs, but he likes Jesus so I’ll vote for him!”

Hm…simply for the sake of saving our country from right-wing totalitarians, VOTE WITH YOUR BRAIN, NOT WITH YOUR BIBLE.

But while we’re on the topic, where exactly in the Bible does it say that Jesus Christ was a conservative? I’ve read almost all of the Bible in my lifetime (which most Christians haven’t), and I don’t recall reading a single passage where Jesus said that the rich should be given all of the breaks, or that you should despise and condemn someone for having beliefs that differ from your own, or that all things should remain at a political standstill. In fact, if you think about it, Christ rebelled against what most people of the time had always accepted as the norm or the status quo. He did not follow the religion that most people in his area followed (which is what a Republican would say you must do). He taught love and acceptance regardless of belief, economic status, or past actions.

Jesus ate with prostitutes, whom most people would throw out on the street, had disdain for money changers (capitalists), believed the rich should give money to the poor (not vise-versa), and preached that people should treat others as they wish to be treated. He rebelled against the stifling dogma of conservatives of the day, the Pharisees, and opposed their stoning sinners and quoting from Scripture.

Conservatives love to preach black-and-white views to fundamentalists who simply lack the ability to think critically.

Never once did Jesus say that the way into Heaven was to form a huge, successful business by walking on the backs of honest workers and forcing them to work for wages they can’t even live on. Never once did Jesus say that hate-mongering was the way to his Father. Never once did Jesus say that condemning homosexuals and the poor was the way to be a good Christian.

I don’t know about you, but I believe that Jesus Christ would have voted for a politician who thought that a little less money should be spent on defense contractors and giving tax breaks to big businesses; and a little more should be spent on that single mother down the street who’s working a full-time job and just can’t make ends meet, or on important things like (gasp) education. Speaking of which, it’s kind of funny that people who work in the educational system tend to vote Democrat – they’re educated.

My point here is that Republicans should choose their own religious figurehead to use to manipulate the masses. Clearly, the Jesus of the Bible was much more of a fan of loving and helping others than he was of condemnation and giving all aid to the rich.

I’m dying tomorrow, in this house, on this street, Chicago.
I’m dying tomorrow, did I do it right?

Did I remember to sleep in, take lots of pills, commit irreversible sins?

Did I, did I at least try to kiss the prettiest girl at the right time?

Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine? Did I remember to say cheers?
Did I at least try to make sure everybody had a good time? Had the best time…

Did I remember to stay up late, drinking for the fun, singing for the taste?

Did I run outside to kiss the rain under electrical skies?

Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine? Did I, did I remember to say cheers?
Did I, did I at least try to make sure everybody had a good time? Had the best time…

I’m dying tomorrow, in this house, on this street, Chicago.

I’m dying tomorrow.
Did I do it right?