abra KADAVER

I never know whether I should make everyone I care about happy, at the cost of making myself miserable, or only take care of myself at the cost of pissing off those I care for.

I can’t be the perfect, air headed girlfriend who doesn’t have a problem in the world.  The one who doesn’t care what her boyfriend does as long as he says she’s pretty and pretends to give a damn. I can pretend to be her, surely. But I’d end up killing something from the stress. There are so many things I’d love to say, and I can’t. It’s rather funny that the things you’d love to say most in the world are the ones that people would prefer you always keep to yourself. Someday, I want to be in a relationship where I don’t have to concern myself with psychotic, jealous exes. Oh…wait. That’s impossible. Women are fucking insane.

(Insert obscure, meaningless phrase intended to make me look deep here)

I need a new job. This two hour shift bullshit is wearing on me. I see no reason to show up to work unless I’m working at least four hours. It’s not worth the gas money it takes to get out there. -__-

Speaking of new things, I need a new family. I need new friends. I need a new city to live in. I need a new life.

I’ve been fading into my usual summer state – an antisocial, apathetic hermit. I really have no desire to see anyone. I have no desire to do anything but work and play video games. I don’t have the energy to pretend that I care what people have to say to me.  No, I don’t want to go to the mall with you. No, I don’t want to go to the movie theatre. I don’t want to listen to your shitty music, I don’t want to talk about your problems – I have my own.

Okay, now I’m just ranting.

I feel like I should feel bad for not wanting to hang out with people anymore. Forgive me, but sitting around on your couch, listening to you talk about your life and how everyone is keeping you down doesn’t sound so great to me. I don’t want to be around your kid. I don’t want to pretend to listen to your life story. I want to play Final Fantasy until school starts up again – at least that has a purpose.

There are three, maybe four people I have any desire to see anymore. Everyone else just doesn’t seem worth the effort of going to see. I’m too moody and too antisocial to pretend to want to see anyone anymore.

“Open up my eager eyes, ’cause I’m Mr.Brightside.”